$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
