I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
