Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
