i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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