left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
