I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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