i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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