I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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