Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
