Just cropdusted the office
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
