After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
