Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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