the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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