google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
