I cockslap morals
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
