Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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