My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
