just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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