still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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