He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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