i would punch a child for taco bell
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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