Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize