i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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