My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
