Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
