I want to make a zoo with you.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
