she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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