You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
