Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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