WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
