He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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