you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
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I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this