he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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