Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.