ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The best revenge is premature balding
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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