Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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