so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You need a sexual gate keeper
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
