Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
