last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
