i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
