I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
