I'd wear matching sweaters with you
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
the liver wants what the liver wants
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
