That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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