sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
