i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
