i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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