we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
we're so committed to being not committed
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
