Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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