I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
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Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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