So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
ttyl tear gas
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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