How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
