The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
