Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
