When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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