I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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