You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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