Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Its about making memories worth repressing
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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