just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
