Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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