Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
