SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
