On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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