while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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