I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
