She is in my trunk
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
