Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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